Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)

Tagline-Who will survive?

    Several factors can make or break a film. Actors and actresses have to achieve the best performance possible to avoid shattering the audience's willing suspension of disbelief. Sound design and mixing (making sure all sound is the right volume and is consistent to what's happening on the screen) is very important.  Careful editing and attention to continuity are essential in making a great film. Birdemic: Shock and Terror has absolutely none of these things. Read on and I'll go through just how hilariously terrible this movie is.

    Let's get the technical information out of the way first. Birdemic: Shock and Terror was written and directed by James Nguyen. The cinematographer was Daniel Mai with music by Andrew Seger.  It stars Alan Bagh as Rod, a software salesperson and Whitney Moore as Nathalie, who is a model. Moore also was in charge of makeup after the first makeup artist quit or was fired (details are shaky on that). Mona Lisa Moon plays Nathalie's friend Mai who is dating Rod's best friend Tony (Colton Osborne). The budget for Birdemic was about $10,000. I can't find how much it made in theaters or even if it made its budget back.

    Now, let's dive into what passes for the plot of the movie. When I first saw this movie I was already laughing uncontrollably by the time the beginning credits started rolling across the screen. This is because there's 3-4 minutes of screen time (time it and you'll really see how agonizingly long that is) dedicated solely to establishing shots of Rod driving his Mustang around Half Moon Bay, California. This is excessive but isn't too bad, at least it wouldn't be if these scenes weren't accompanied by a short (maybe 20-30 seconds) song that is on an endless loop the whole time.

    The film only gets worse from here. After the endless establishing shots Rod eventually gets to a diner and stares at a woman for the entire meal. She leaves and Rod positively sprints up to her and grabs her arm (Keep in mind Rod's supposed to be our protagonist, not off to a great start). Despite Rod's horrendous lack of tact and understanding of social cues, he and Nathalie strike up a friendship and exchange phone numbers. Rod's sales company also gets bought by a larger company and Rod becomes a millionaire. Sounds great but this literally has no effect on the story or characters.

    Rod and Nathalie are a couple now and they go on a series of very badly edited dates. There's all sorts of jump cuts and barely audible dialogue. The dialogue that is audible rarely makes sense. Rod and Nathalie end up having a "romantic" night at a dingy hostel despite Rod being a millionaire.  40 minutes into the movie and finally the Birdemic begins. 

   Birds start attacking the town of Half Moon Bay. These aren't your average birds though. These birds, regardless of size, can hover mid-flight for hours. They also spit acid that burns away flesh. Oh I almost forgot, not only do the birds sound like a German dive bomber during World War 2, they also explode into flames like a bomber being shot down as well.  The cause of these extraordinary abilities... Global warming. Right, that makes sense. No questions at all.

 The couple escape the hotel with the help of guests Ramsey (Adam Sessa) and Becky (Catherine Batcha). They decide to team up because Ramsey just happens to have automatic weapons in his van and seemingly limitless ammunition. On their adventures they meet an orthologist, a person who studies birds. But wait, that's supposed to be an ornithologist. An orthologist studies grammar and correct use of words. For the life of me I can't tell whether the movie mixed those two up or if it's an intentional attempt at irony. Judging by the movie so far, I think it's the former option.

    Right I think that's enough plot. Let's move on to themes and overall message. It's extremely obvious that the film is trying its utmost to raise awareness for the environment and the problem of global warming. Seriously, the orthologist, the random newscaster on the TV who's only purpose is to spout plot relevant information, almost everyone in the film has some kind of speech about the environment. 

    Near the end of the movie Rod and Nathalie are in a forest where there are somehow no birds and they meet a man who has supposedly been living in the forest for years. This man promptly launches into a dramatic speech with beautiful music, and soon as he finishes, he gets scared off by a mountain lion, (almost as if he knew his scene was over) and then the forest catches on fire for absolutely no foreseeable reason.

    So that's Birdemic: Shock and Terror. It is a very shocking film I'll give it that. Not on purpose but still. It's a very very bad film. As said before, when you combine the wooden (at best) acting,  with poor editing and sound normalizing, (gunshots sound like small pipe bombs, actual explosions sound downright apocalyptic) it's a film that's somewhat painful to sit through. But in my humble opinion Birdemic is one of those films you just have to see at least once in your life. If you don't take it seriously it's hilarious fun. Even better when you watch it with friends who haven't heard of it. It's certainly one of the "best" worst films.

That's all for now. Thanks for reading! If you've seen Birdemic: Shock and Terror what did you think of it?

Till next time,

Conrad Smith

    

Rod, Nathalie, and Ramsey fighting off the "highly realistic" birds with coat hangers. This is of course before Ramsey reveals he's armed to the teeth with guns and ammo.